Self-will doesn’t run riot
it crawls on naked belly
ignores primal ooze
never bathes and is
always convinced that
love is only a fix away.
I crawl amid constant cravings
lose desire to feel real
accept death in chemical form
still a part of me snubs Thanatos
still a part of me chooses life.
The voices sing in counterpoint
self-will a lilting soprano
spirit a throaty alto
weakness a base response
Body weak Mind weak
“but not soul weak”
a small voice reminds
“never soul weak”
Fevered brain
rallies determination
leads to resolve’s icy brink
then drops me helpless to
fight or ignore reality.
Monkey mind finally quiet
pain-racked body sighs as
Inner Guide scrawls:
“Help
I can’t do this alone
show me.”
Palm releases clutch as
I offer my will
offer my life
ask for one more chance
one more miracle
Exhausted
I accept my identity
as junkie
as poet
as healer
as human.
Judy Shepps Battle has been writing essays and poems long before retiring from being a psychotherapist and sociology professor. She is a New Jersey resident, addictions specialist, consultant and freelance writer. Her poems have been accepted in a variety of publications including Ascent Aspirations; Barnwood Press; Battered Suitcase; Caper Literary Journal; Epiphany Magazine; Joyful; Message in a Bottle Poetry Magazine; Raleigh Review; Rusty Truck; Short, Fast and Deadly; the Tishman Review, and Wilderness House Literary Press.
