Señora

I did what I set out to do.

 

I put all my hope into getting here

Right here and

I hate it

I’ve never felt sadness like this

Like these dotted lines down my forearms

Restraer mi sangre hasta donde comienze

Like the dust on these books

I wipe you away

The sweet smell of platanos going with you

Can’t see the judgment in your eyes

Or the recognition

But I hear your voice

Y La Caren donde esta

 

I pushed my past to the corner of the small room I slept in

Learned my lines so well

It beat the subtle accent you gave me

Right from mi corazon

Never saw it coming

I live trigger happy

Tú lengua swelling behind my teeth

 

Can I put my apology

By the door

Con los zapatos you bought me that I refused to wear

In the closet

Con la chaqueta I forgot to take that I heard you wore after I left

In the drawer upstairs

with the stick stained positive

It was the closest I got to un milagro

Still can’t see hope the way you do

Not through this glass stained with oil from the Pupusas

 

 

Can I put my apology with your serving of rice

I know you like it sour

Like I like mine

I know you’re used to limon, pero

This apology is better

 A little bitter sweet

How you like your coffee

Con los pan dulces Salvadoreños

I can put it on my bed

Con la lavanderia

Or leave it on top of the washer

Where you’d leave the wet clothes, I forgot to put in the dryer

Where the smell of mildew rose to the air

Maybe it’d be better if tu hijo gave it to you

Lo entienderias mejor que yo

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Cairan George is a University of Maryland graduate, majored in Kinesiology and Pre-Medicine Studies. Cairan has been writing since her father taught her to hold a pen, using it as an escape from the battles of abusive households in her youth. She prefers prose, novels, and spoken word poetry. Her topics range in trauma recovery, social justice, and the encounters mixed-raced children face in a world largely defined by race/ethnicity. On her day to day, she works as a personal trainer and medical intern, but explores her passion in the arts through writing, performance, and dancing. Connect with her on Instagram: @cairan.gee